Monday, 29 November 2010

This post is a waste of time.

My buddy Chuck came round today. Chuck Zeusfire. At least, he tells me his last name is Zeusfire, but I think he just calls himself that to impress girls on Youtube.

Chuck's just one of the many tens of people who've been hooked by the thrilling, dashing and no-doubt inspiring adventures I have relayed to you thus far. He said he'd never seen anything so thrilling, and that I was a master of suspense and excellent storytelling. I choose to believe that he wasn't being sarcastic.

But Chuck has his own areas of expertise, and he had a few words of advice for me. My posts were too stream of consciousness, he said. And where were all my speech marks?

"I'm an artist," I told him, and automatically won the conversation.

We were playing all the latest videogames on my top-of-the-line Xbox 360, of which I have two. Then Chuck mentioned my post about visiting the playground.

"Yeah," I said, "but that was fake anyway so it's all good."

But no, he said. He'd seen something like it too.

I put Call of Duty: Black Ops on pause and stared at him. He stared back, truth and worry in his eyes. He said... he's punching me in the shoulder so I guess I'll give it speech marks. He said: "Have you asked Kaylee about it?"

"Yeah," I said. "She didn't see it."

"A man in a suit," he said quietly. "With no face..."

I was confused! And I hadn't heard the part about the suit before, so now I had an extra clue and thing to look out for. I said: "Are you sure it was real?"

He narrowed his lips. "I think so, bro."

But - but why would Kaylee lie to me?!

I didn't have a good answer to that. I still don't. But I did have a suggestion! We had to go back to the playground, as soon as possible, and find some evidence of this mysterious faceless man in a suit. Chuck had had the same idea, and he'd brought his camera over. I also have a camera and it's much bigger and newer than his and is made by a better company, but I wasn't sure where it was so we used his instead.

Unfortunately, we don't know what happened at the park because neither of us remember it again. Pretty scary, huh! I'm definitely not scared because I'm a badass narrator-protagonist with balls of adamantium. Chuck is over my shoulder saying "bullshit" but I'm not sure what it's in reference to. He's obviously delusional with terror.

I was going to upload the video, but I forgot to point the camera at anything interesting, so it's eight minutes of darkness and my feet. I'm not uploading that crap.


  1. This post was mildly less scary but it still oozed of your awesomeness and besides the rest of it is overall scary. I've never heard of this strange faceless guy in a suit before, and I think that I probably won't sleep tonight.


  2. So did you ever find out where Kaylee went?

  3. @Andy: I know right! And all this forgetting is making me worried (or as worried as someone with my awesomeness level is capable of being). I thought it would be sensible to go to the doctor about it, which I don't need to talk about here since it's going in my next post (coming soon!).

    @Brendan: Oh, oh man thanks for reminding me, I guess I totally forgot about that. She says she just went down the market to get some Doritos.